I Don’t Have Advice. Just Honesty.
It’s hard to write about Mother’s Day. What am I supposed to say?
I don’t have new wisdom for women who are childfree not by choice (CFNBC). No checklist of things to do. No tips for how to feel better. No tools. No resources. Just me, figuring it out alongside you.
Like you, I am just living my everyday life.
I’ve Learned to Suppress. It’s the Only Way I Know.
Since I have been on this parenthood journey, Mother’s Day has been about suppressing emotions. It’s the only way I know how to deal with it.
I tell myself it’s not important—like Valentine’s Day. Or I tell myself I don’t care. I can ignore it and say it’s only for the people who love commercialization, like Christmas. And to some extent, all of that is true. I do believe and feel all of those things. It’s just an easier way for me to cope.
Do I Cry on Mother’s Day?
Have I ever cried about not celebrating Mother’s Day with a child of my own? Not really. Like I said, it’s like a made-up holiday.
Have I wished that I could be like the rest of the women in this club? Perhaps. Maybe it would have been nice to get a hand-painted mug saying “Best Mom Ever.”
But I don’t really want or need another mug. So in some ways—a lot of ways—I don’t miss it or feel left out.
The Gift I Wear, and Why It’s Enough
A few years ago, Michel tried celebrating Mother’s Day with me because I’m a stepmother. In fact, I’m wearing a simple band he gave me for Mother’s Day.
I’m not sure what his motivation was for this gift. Like me, he kind of feels like it’s a made-up, empty holiday. Maybe he just wanted to buy me a ring. Maybe he just wanted to show he appreciated me.
Either way, I like wearing it. I like knowing it was a Mother’s Day gift. And I’m not sure exactly why that matters—but it does. And that’s OK.
If This Day Feels Heavy, You’re Not Alone
If you’re childfree not by choice (CFNBC), and Mother’s Day is just another heavy breath in the calendar—this post is for you.
Not to fix it. Not to reframe it.
Just to say: I see you. I’m here too. And you don’t have to pretend.
