When I decided not to pursue parenthood anymore, I felt so alone.
Was there anyone else like me who gave up? Yes, there was Jennifer Aniston, but she did not take up the mantle of those women who give up after trying. She just said “that ship has sailed.” She seemed at peace with it when she let the public know about it. And I was happy to hear that.
But when I stopped, there was no one I could talk to, except my excellent therapist. I did not know what to do with myself. What do you do after 20 years? Go into oblivion? Forget about the last 20 years like it never existed? I had to come to terms with it. And I still am. But now it is a bit easier.
Grief and Relief
My immediate feeling was grief and relief. Relief that the struggle was over and grief that the struggle was over. I looked for support groups online, but the ones I found did not resonate with me. They used the word “childless” and that word felt like a dagger to my heart. And we all know how much I hate that term if you read this blog. I did not want to be “less.” I wanted to be whole. I wanted to be perceived as a normal woman who had some struggles but is coping with it in a healthy way. Not less.
Healing Through Writing
I did not know what to do next with myself. I was already in the habit of writing in a journal based on my Miracle Morning practice. So I just started writing more. It was healing for me. I had to let my feelings out. I had to go over the story and process the trauma. And that is what I am doing now with this blog. I am processing. I am coping. I am building a new me.
My Mission Now
My mission now is not just about me—it’s about all of us. It’s about moving beyond feeling “less” and reclaiming a sense of wholeness and strength. It’s about showing that we are not broken, but resilient. My mission is to help other women like me as we navigate these feelings together. To hold space for us—women who are Childfree Not By Choice —to let the world know we exist. That we are real. That we are complete and enough, just as we are. That our stories matter.
