I knew something was off – but I did not want to accept it.
I’m lucky to have a good therapist. But when she says, “Pay attention to your feelings,” I know something is bubbling inside me that I don’t want to face. A year ago, I was deciding whether or not to continue fostering—and her words hit a nerve.
At that time, my feelings weren’t clear or tidy. They were chaos or numbness. Nothing in between.
Michel and I were at a major crossroads. We had fostered during the start of the pandemic
, left with no resources and very little support. No therapy for them. No guidance for us. Just trauma piled on top of trauma. For them and for us.
When we finally tried switching to a county with more support, we were told every month, “Next month.” Six months later? Still waiting. Eventually, they suggested letting our license lapse and starting over. Again. Background checks. Home visits. Fingerprinting. Forms. The whole cycle we had already done three times.
And I had to ask myself—do I want to do this again?
Your Feelings Will Tell You What Your Thoughts Are Trying to Hide
My therapist said it again:
“Pay attention to how you feel.”
Not what I thought. Not what I could logic my way through.
But how I felt—when filling out paperwork, when talking to social workers, when I imagined long- and short-term placements.
I didn’t want to answer those questions. Because my gut already knew. And it was screaming.
But I was scared. Scared of what that meant. Because what happens if your heart quietly whispers, You don’t want this anymore?
I wasn’t ready to face that. Not then.
Clarity Doesn’t Always Come With a Bang. Sometimes It Comes in a Cobblestone Walk.
Then I flew to Italy for work. I stayed in Lake Como with a close friend and her teenage daughter. A completely normal teenager—messy room, late-night curfews, a boyfriend who texts too much.
One afternoon, walking alone on cobblestone streets, I got quiet. Really quiet. And there it was:
“I didn’t want this. Not at 65, at 55, or even now.”
Raising a teenager or a child didn’t feel right anymore—not with everything I’d already been through. The thought of college applications, part-time jobs, and late-night permission slips felt overwhelming.
It was never just about switching agencies. It was about deciding—do I even want to keep pursuing parenthood at all?
And the answer? No. I didn’t.
The Moment I Finally Heard Myself
That’s why paying attention to your feelings matters. They’re not just background noise—they’re messengers. Subtle signals. Blinking lights we often ignore, especially when we’re afraid of what they might be trying to say.
But here’s the truth:
Your feelings are sacred. They are not obstacles to decision-making. They are the decision.
And now, when my therapist says it—I smile. Because I know. I’ve learned to listen.
And I’m grateful she taught me how. That kind of listening has changed everything.
If you’re wondering how to get better at listening to your emotions, this article explains it beautifully: 14 Benefits of Paying More Attention to Your Feelings.
Final Thought
If you’re standing at a crossroads—paperwork in hand, plans unraveling—start here:
Don’t ask, What should I do?
Ask, How do I feel when I imagine doing this?
That’s your answer. And that’s enough.
